I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
