I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
