he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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