Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
