the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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