All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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