i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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