my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
