Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
