Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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