Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize