i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
