i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
