Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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