You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
