I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
