I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
