Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
