after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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