idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
