something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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