One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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