I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
