I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
