So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
