Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
