I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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