i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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