So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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