she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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