There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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