Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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