Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
