You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
