it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
