So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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