i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
