I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We had sex on a dog bed..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
