Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
