I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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