is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
