That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize