I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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