NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
