i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
