loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
