I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
