why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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