i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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