I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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