I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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