JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
