she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
