DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize