Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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