i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
