Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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