she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
