I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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