he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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