There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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