Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
