Jerry, you need to find god
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
