Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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