after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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